Football transfer rumours: Nicklas Bendtner to Newcastle United

[To the tune of If I was a Rich Girl, by Gwen Stefani] If I had some rumours Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na See I'd have all the gossip in the world, if there were some juicy rumours No hack could test me, impress me, my transfer talk would never end Cause I'd have all the gossip in the world, if there were some juicy rumours Think what those papers could bring I'd rehash everything Huge clear-out at Ewood All those prices coming down Shock return for Tim Sherwood And Benny McCarthy if they could Meantime Ronaldo signs for Swindon Town Any rumours baby, would mean everything Any rumours baby, even ones about Luke Ayling Any rumours baby, would mean everything Don't need no other news Life is better during the transfer window If I had some rumours Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na See I'd have all the gossip in the world, if there were some juicy rumours No hack could test me, impress me, my transfer talk would never end Cause I'd have all the gossip in the world, if there were some juicy rumours But instead all I have is Chelsea considering an offer for Pepe , if the defender fails to sort out a new deal at Real Madrid, Newcastle and Stoke waiting eagerly to sign Zoltan Gera when his contract at Fulham expires this summer and Leicester City attempting to procure the Chelsea defender Jeffrey Bruma on loan. Oh, and a notoriously unreliable transfer gossip website claiming that Newcastle will blow a big chunk of their Andy Carroll income on Arsenal's Nicklas Bendtner . Which despite the questionable source, should look far better in the headline than any of the above.