Liverpool v Sporting Braga – as it happened

Preamble: Not much time for musings I'm afraid after a late call-up from the bench to cover tonight's match. Liverpool trail 1-0 from the first leg but Braga's previous four visits to England give the home side more grounds for optimism than their lacklustre performance in Portugal would suggest. Braga drew with Bolton in 2007, were defeated 1-0 by West Brom back in 1978 and were gubbed 6-0 twice, by Spurs in 1984 (featuring a hat-trick for Garth Crooks) and earlier this season by Arsenal at the Emirates. Here are your teams: Liverpool: Reina; Johnson, Carragher, Skrtel, Wilson; Maxi, Lucas, Meireles, Cole; Carroll, Kuyt. Subs: Gulacsi, Pacheco, Kyrgiakos, Ngog, Spearing, Poulsen, Flanagan. Braga: Artur Moraes; Miguel Garcia, Paulao, Rodriguez, Silvio; Alan, Leandro Salino, Vandinho; Hugo Viana, Paulo Cesar, Lima. Subs: Cristiano, Kaka, Mossoro, Helder Barbosa, Meyong, Dani, Peterson. Referee: Gianluca Rocchi (Italy) Gerry Marsden's doing his thing: And Steven Gerrard is sipping something in the stands, wearing a rather fetching lilac jumper. Talking of sipping, here's Nick Pettigrew: "Given that Liverpool's performances in Europe have been pretty dire watching this season I thought I'd pre-emptively suggest a riff. My friends sniffily dismiss cocktails as effeminate muck, but as I sip on a bone-dry Negroni, I beg to differ. If they were good enough for Dean Martin, etc. Thoughts?" I stick to ale these days, Nick. I know my limits but in the past I was rather partial to an Old Fashioned or two, the odd Mojito or even a Martini. My daughter, who's four, keeps singing Dean Martin songs, particularly Mambo Italiano. Dancing classes seem to like Dino. Phil Sawyer notes: "I don't like the smirk on Kuyt's face as he thrusts his crotch forward in that photo. Most unsettling." It's a bit Vic Reeves, Phil, or Lord Flashart. 1 min: Braga kick off after the minute's silence for the people of Japan. John Scales is Channel Five's pundit, I haven't heard him before. They get a free kick almost immediately, 10 yards into Liverpool's half. He hits it with power but it curls into Pepe Reina's hands. It was meant to be a cross. 3 min: Carragher played a long pass up to Kuyt who held his line and stayed onside, passed to Johnson but his cross was blocked then cleared. 5 min: According to Scales Liverpool's squad has been away for a break specifically to improve their communication which Kenny Dalglish has identified as a major weakness. Already Cole seems to have benefitted, linking up with Maxi and then Kuyt. 7 min: Braga free kick after Wilson's foul. This one from 30 yards, rolled to Viana and smashed straight into Lucas. "If that is Kuyt's crotch," writes Fred Lane, "there must be something seriously amiss with his anatomy. Does he actually qualify as a human being? Is the ever-wise FA informed? What would they do if he scored a hat-trick with his want-away crotch?" Ban it, Fred. Suspend his crotch. 9 min: Carroll wins a header from Reina's goal kick and his flick on almost reaches Kuyt, who is patrolling an area just in front for now. But it doesn't. Braga clear but not far enough and the cross finds Carroll who nods it down Cole in the box, to the left and he smashes his shot into a defender. Carroll shoots from the rebound and gets a corner. Liverpool claim hand ball from Cole's shot, very dubious that would have been if given. Carroll beasts the defender to win a header from the corner but flicks it wide. 11 min: Liverpool are attacking with some real verve down the left and always looking for Carroll with crosses. Pedantry corner with Joshua Collis: "Braga must be awful if they've got John Scales taking free kicks for them, and commentating on Channel 5." Soz. "I quite like Dean Martin songs m'self, Rob, " writes Rohit Kapur, a man of taste. "My favourite would have to be That's Amore. Gotta love the classics. Also, good parenting on your part if your daughter's listening to Dean Martin and not Justin Bieber or the ilk. Gold star to you." I'll wear it with pride, Rohit. 13 min: Carroll caught offside after peeling away to the left and making a good target for Maxi's cross. His movement has been very encouraging so far. As I said on the transfer deadline day blog, I really like Carroll as a player and am convinced he will do well. Forget the fee. 15 min: Lima shoots from 25 yards but Reina gathers easily. "In answer to Fred Lane (7 min), I was merely extrapolating a theorem that from the observed evidence the ultimate object of Kuyt's thrust was his unglimpsed but increasingly discussed crotch. Kuyt's crotch, rather like Schrodinger's cat, exists in a perpetual state of mystery due to it being below the frame of the photo. We can only dream of its properties. Actually, don't do that. Not if you ever want to sleep again." Reminds me of the story of someone looking at WH Auden's grooved face and saying: "Imagine what his scrotum looks like." Can't remember who that was for now. 17 min: "How does one beast a defender?" asks Ravi Errabolu. By being a beast in the air, Ravi. Beasts beast. Wilson just found himself in a very advanced position but lost confidence and made a mess of a decent opportunity to get Cole behind the right-back. Altitude sickness etc. 19 min: Carragher plays the fourth or fifth long ball out of defence, aimnng for Carroll but this one is nodded back upfield. Seems a bit too predictable from the acting Liverpool captain. Ben Stanley just made me laugh: "'Reminds me of the story of someone looking at WH Auden's grooved face and saying: Imagine what his scrotum looks like.'" Keith Richards. Very good, Ben. 21 min: Liverpool corner and Carroll is pushed by Paulao. That could have been a penalty, should have been a penalty but the ref gave the free kick to Braga. Thanks to Seth Wheeler and Tom Chivers for pointing out it was David Hockney musing about WH Auden's sack. 23 min: Liverpool try to work Kuyt free on the left and vying to spring the offside trap but they push up and catch him inches off. 26 min: "You forgot to put my name in (15 min), " writes Phil Sawyer. "It looks like you're having a very strange conversation with yourself. Believe me, you don't want to create an imaginary me. Even an imaginary Mac Millings would be better than that. Yes, that's how far down I am on the evolutionary chain." Sorry, Phil. Where is Millings these days? Actually, I didn't ask that. Braga break free on the left and win a corner after a rubbish clearance from, I think, Wilson. May not have been the Scot. I was distracted by a colleague. 29 min: Alberto Rodriguez nicks the ball off Kuyt's toe deep in Braga's half then storms forward and gets a cross into Liverpool's box but Liverpool batter it away. "John Scales' commentating is a delight. Insightful, calm, and above all, knowledgeable. The antithesis of that lout Collymore," writes Phil Wainwright. Scales is very good, so far. You're right. Collymore's still at war on Twitter with his critics, I see. 32 min: Alan shows off his twinkle toes and utterly bamboozles Wilson by cutting inside and then spinning quickly to change direction, leaving Wilson wrongfooted. Alan then ran down the touchline but his cross was blocked. Of all the nicknames available in Brazil and he gets stuck with Alan. What next Derek, the Sao Paulo fantasista? 34 min: Crotchcentric missives have upset Vekram Jenarthanan. He advises we desist. Liverpool claim another penalty for a shove but again the referee doesn't agree. Paulo Cesar wins a free kick on the left of Liverpool's penalty area by skipping over Johnson and then colliding with his hip. The cross is a poor one. Cross, not crotch, Vekram. 36 min: This 4-1-4-1 system Braga are playing is making Liverpool's midfield too squeezed by tight markers and quick pressing. Hence Carragher and Lucas are looking for too many Hail Mary passes, the latest of which just runs out for a goalkick. 39 min: Wilson hits a deep cross towards the penalty spot from 15 yards outside the box. Carroll goes up to challenge the keeper who falls to the floor and gets a free kick. It was hardly a Lofthouse challenge. 41 min: A delay while Paulao gets treatment allows us to celebrate Alans with Alan Cooper: "There's a player just called Alan?? Cool! As a history-loving child growing up I was very frustrated by the (apparent) lack of Alans in history. Until I came across a map of the Barbarian Invasions, covered in arrows showing which people went where – the Visigoths, the Vandals, the Franks, et al. It included the Alans, who had the longest arrow of all, stretching from the Caucasus, right across Europe, into Spain, and ending in North Africa. So please think of Braga's Alan as a rampaging Barbarian." I will, Al. 42 min: Liverpool corner after Cole made a run down the left and had his cross knocked out. Meireles takes, a bit too looped to attack positively with headers and Kuyt has to wait then stretch for it. He takes a forearm in the face for his troubles but the ref seems unperturbed. 44 min: Ben Dunn thinks Alans are boring, unleashing a wave of resentment from Yorkshire. Maxi crosses from the left, having switched with Cole, and Carroll wins the header when challenged but guides it wide. On Carroll and long balls, Chris Humphrey notes: "Just wondering how much taller Carroll is than Braga's goalie? And defence in general? The Hail Mary's were what Newcastle used all the time and they can work with this kid! He just has to stand there and let it hit him. I dunno if Liverpool have anyone as accurate as Joey B though..." 45 min: Miereles plays a crossfield pass to Johnson just inside Braga's half and he crosses, again from a position too deep to make the angle dangerous, for Carroll. Braga get the ball away. Half time: I'm going to eat a curry in five minutes flat. Then I'll be back badly in need of PeptoBismol. Chicken and aubergine, since you didn't ask. Very mild. "Sod the subtle, Mediterranean delights of the Negroni," writes Nick Pettigrew. "After those 45 minutes I'm on the petrol. Twist of lime, though. I'm not a heathen." Hemlock on the rocks for me, Nick. "If you can call Alan Cooper 'Al', presumably he can call you Betty?" Them's the rules, according to Phil Sawyer. Betty Bagchi does have a ring to it. Sounds like a Castleford barmaid. Good spot from Mike Brown: "That photo is Dirk Kuyt channelling the ghost of Rigsby himself 'My God Ms Jones!'" Ah, Rupert Rigsby, the Leeds fan. After the 1975 Europena Cup final in one episode he started banging on about "my brave boys". And bringing us back to the subject is Neil Stainthorpe: "Can anyone remember the days when Lverpool could play football?" Against Manchester United a few weeks back? Though with Wes Brown in that form perhaps not. And good evening to Gary Naylor: "Look now... listen... don't. Isn't Dirk Kuyt paying tribute to the late Frankie Howerd in your photo?" Don't mock Francis etc. And here's Ben Raza, the Scales fallen from his eyes: "Uninspired, dull, bereft of originality... John Scales really isn't very good, is he? Best moment: "So the Europa League really is Liverpool's best hope to be back in Europe next season then John?" "Definitely. Probab... Definitely." Move, shimmy, shuffle, and go. Or possibly he only realised midway through that 'definitely probzbly' is just nonsense." 47 min: Oh dear, to make Ben Raza's point, Scales has just mentioned the crowd as "Liverpool's famous 12th man." Liverpool pass it across the back four until Carragher launches it up to Kuyt. he wins the ball and lays it off to Cole on the right but his cross to Carroll is slightly too high. 48 min: Some tactical insight from Nath Jones: "You're right about Braga's high pressing; they can do this because they know that in Cole and Carroll Liverpool have the slowest front two in history. Surely for the second half Dalglish will ask Kuyt to cut in from the right regularly, and try to beat that high defensive line?" You'd hope so Nath. But so far it's more of the same. 50 min: Carroll caught offside when Cole cut in from the right into midfield and threaded a pas between the centre-backs. He was out of the blocks too early. 51 min: Carroll gets booked when chasing a lost cause after letting Alberto Rodriguez steal ahead of him. He wrapped his left leg around the defender's upper thigh. 53 min: Gary Wraith has a suggestion: "If we can't talk about crotches, then why don't we talk about Ladyboys. And I mean the cocktails... Lager, Gin & tonic, and Irish Baileys Cream Chaser. For men and ladies. Remember, boating appeals to friends and families alike." I'm going to need a shower tonight. Carragher pulls into the right-back position and whacks another 60-yard pass up to Carroll who heads it wide. What the hell is he thinking? 55 min: Another long pass, this time from Skrtel up to Cole who flicks out his leg to try to divert it to Carroll but it didn't come off, much like his Anfield career to date. 57 min: Liverpool free kick after Maxi was fouled. they pass it back to Carragher who, guess what?, sticks it in the mixer and chips it forty yards. Liverpool win a throw and toss it back tothe back four and Carragher does it again. Maxi gets the knockdown from the Braga defender, plays Kuyt in on the left behind the right-back and he crosses to Meireles who balloons his header over. 59 min: So what do you think Liverpool need to buy in the summer? Pace and width? Get Aquilani back? Find someone who can beat a man? This is paltry stuff tonight and they almost get punished by Alan after a Braga shot hits the heel of Lima and deflects to Alan inside the box, but he wastes his chance. 62 min: Meireles takes a free kick from the centre-circle, chips it up to Carroll but his knockdown finds Maxi offside. 64 min: Liverpool then went up the right and crossed but Carroll wasn't there, having been felled when challenging Alan. the two of them had a tussle on the ground while the ref's back was turned and as the move built Carroll then got up but couldn't get into position in time. 66 min: Paulo Cesar just robbed Cole in midfield and played a pass up to Lima. Lack of concentration and fight there. 67 min: Just had a conversation with a colleague who suggested that Cole looks like someone who's almost given up on his career. I know he's lost confidence and hasn't had a run of games for more than a year but he's so off the pace it's worrying. Carroll had a left-foot shot, scuffed into the ground. 69 min: Kuyt offside. Braga are using this system very cannily to force Liverpool to hit it long as they can't get round the back. Esteves Cardoso says: "How much did Caroll cost?!! Liverpool could have bought most of Braga's team for the same amount - with much better results!" I'll judge him next season, Esteves, but I can see how you think that. here's Nath Jones' shopping list: "Width, width, width. They need someone to, as my old coach used to say, get chalk on his boots. At the moment they're easy to shut down with two narrow banks of four. They need to buy two proper wingers who can beat a full-back and put a cross in. Even more so since they've bought Carroll." 71 min: Braga free kick, 30 or so yards out but wide on the right. Viana strikes it well through the penalty box crowd and Reina dives to save. 73 min: Carragher knocked a good pass out to the touchline to Johnson who got round the back of the left-back and knocked in his most menacing cross of the evening but Braga tap it clear. Kaka on for Braga, for Vandinho who is booked for time-wasting as he lumbers off very slowly. 75 min: Simon Hoyle is succinct: "Liverpool: Goodness me, this is rubbish." I can't argue with you. Cole and Maxi off, Ngog and Spearing on. 77 min: Kuyt goes to the left, Meireles to the right. "Attack, attack, attack, attack, attack!" From the crowd. One would do. Ngog runs towards the boxc and looks as though he's upended but the red waves play on. At least Ngog has the pace. 79 min: "It sounds from your MBM that Carragher has been Liverpool's principal playmaker tonight," writes Alan Cooper. "Is anyone missing Gerrard yet? (It also sounds like a horrible match!)" Not the finest, Alan. Johnson goes forward, passes to Ngog on the edge of the area and he tries a through ball that goes horribly wrong, straight to a defender. Lousy touch. 80 min: Liverpool corner after Meireles got wide and used Miguel Garcia's shins as a wall pass. In came the cross to Spearing who shot from distance, well wide. "Re: NESV Dalglish contract," writes Eoin Jones. "Could it be that the 'wait and see' approach adopted by NESV in relation to Dalglish is prudent rather than incomprehensible?" They need players at the moment – Comolli's department, so I still think they'll give it to Dalglish. 83 min: Pertinent point from Michael O'Connor, saying it's Suarez they're missing. I agree, Michael. Tore K has a lengthy shopping list: "Firstly, somebody who moves off the ball - out wide, quick and hopefully out left. Width has repeatedly been named, but Liverpool really have a huge problem with movement off the ball in general. Secondly, somebody in central midfield who can up the pace of passing - neither Lucas nor Meireles can really do this. Third - a central defender who can defend, play a bit of ball and stay knack-free - this year's crop have shown that two out of three isn't good enough (or for the case of Kyragiakos, none out of three). Fourth - a quick striker that may actually score. Fifth - a reliable full back, because Martin Kelly is not a world beater no matter how English he is." 84 min: Liverpool corner straight on to Carroll's head and he connects well and it's on target but the ball hits the back of Kuyt's head as he tried to duck then Skrtel had an attempt from the rebound that was blocked as Braga defenders raced out to stop him. Good defence and bad luck there (with Kuyt). 87 min: Braga make two substitutions, Mossoro for Salino, Meyong for Lima to run down the clock. 89 min: The story of Liverpool's tactics tonight was just told in microcosm by Skrtel, inside his own half, hoofed up to Carroll 10 yards out of the penalty box with his back top goal and although he won the header there's no support to win the second ball. 90 min: Kuyt caught offside for the 144th time tonight from a long pass when he didn't notice the Braga back four pushing out again. 90 min+1: There'll be four minutes added on. Meyong shoots from thirty yards, high and wide. Liverpool build from the goalkick and are awarded a free kick 30 yards out, to the right of centre, taken by Meireles. Teed up inside the six-yard box for Ngog's run and he misses the ball by an inch. 90 min+3: "Take out Gerrard and Suarez, and Liverpool really are just a mid-table side with a big man up front and a handy goalkeeper, writes Rob Marriott. " Kind of like Birmingham, only with less reliable centre halves." Another long free-kick, taken by Reina, launched into the box where Braga stand firm then push out. They break with Alan who holds it up then Kaka shoots into the side netting. Final whistle: Liverpool are out, a 1-0 aggregate defeat. I don't know what Kenny Dalglish will say about that. It was a very poor performance from Liverpool who lacked coherent attacking alternatives. Kuyt kept wandering offside so made 30% of the long balls over the top of Braga's defence a waste of time. Then the lack of pace on the wings meant they couldn't get deep enough into Braga territory to allow Carroll to run on to a header from open play. Braga were well organised, kept a very disciplined line at the back and looked to hit Liverpool on the break, but I would have thought Liverpool had more ideas on how to break them down instead of trying to bash their way through the front door. Edward Vernon is relieved: "Thank goodness Liverpool didn't score. I don't think I would have survived a further 30 minutes of that dross." Well, your emails entertained me if the football didn't. Many thanks for joining in. Good night.