How Men's Hour might sound

Rick Hello and welcome to Men's Hour, the first programme to deal exclusively with men's issues, men's health, men's fashion and the ordinary day-to-day challenges that make it so hard to be a man these days, like … Todd … like taking out the rubbish. Why is that a man's job? R Exactly, thanks Todd. First up, however, we've got Dr Dan, our resident health expert, to take your questions about male menopause. T Or changing lightbulbs. What is it about being a woman that stops you getting on a stepladder? R Don't get me started. Welcome to the show, Dr Dan. So, male menopause. Is it real? Dr D Oh, very much so. The shift in hormonal production which occurs in middle age can have a tremendous effect on … R What about man flu? That's real too, isn't it? Dr D Well, if you're talking about a virus which is specific to … R They've proved it, haven't they? Men suffer more. T You don't have to tell me it's real. I was down with it all last week. R Bad, was it? T Oh, mate. Like childbirth. Childbirth plus. I had to leave work early. R We've got our first caller. What's your question, Rob from Reigate? Caller 1 Why are Chelsea so rubbish? Dr D That's not really my area of expertise. I'm here to … T I'm with you, mate. That was a shocker last night. R Male menopause: is that just what we used to call a midlife crisis? Which you basically solved by going out and buying a Ferrari? Dr D I'm not sure I'd recommend buying a Ferrari as a solution. R No, of course not. What about the new 911 though, the GT2? I drove one the other day, and I'm telling you … Dr D The real issue is that most men are too embarrassed to ask their GPs for advice. T And rightly so. R I think our second caller is ready. Can you hear me, Pat from Kidderminster? Caller 2 This is the most idiotic concept imaginable. A programme for men? What is Radio 5 Live, if not an entire station for blokes? R From the sound of your voice, Pat, I'm going to guess you're a woman. Caller 2 Men's issues? Are you seriously suggesting men need a special corner of the airwaves to complain? R We'll have to leave it there, I'm afraid. In a moment, Richard Littlejohn and Louie Spence review next season's fleeces, but first, let's hear a track from Bryan Adams …