John Crace's digested Liberal Democrat conference

Clegg Anyone who voted against our education proposals yesterday has got the wrong end of the stick ... Conference ... er, I don't think so ... Clegg ... but to prove I really am a Liberal at heart I'm going to clamp down hard on bankers' bonuses and stuff like that. George Osborne I don't think so, buddy. Paul Burstow Now look here, you miserable bunch. It's bloody tough being in government having to read briefings in the car and you're not nearly grateful enough for the sacrifices we are making. And you could start by not reading the Guardian which knows nothing about our plans for the NHS ... Clegg What? We have a plan? Dreamy Dave hasn't shown it to me. Simon Hughes Er ... hello everyone. You know when I said last night that Lib Dems ought to challenge the Tories on policy? Well, it turns out I was wrong. We shouldn't ... Clegg Keep reading, you fool ... Hughes ... because I am rock-solid behind the government. Having been in opposition for 27 years and watched as everyone else screwed up, it's great to have a chance to screw up for myself. Chris Huhne ... ahem, talking of which, when I said we were opposed to building new nuclear power stations, what I meant was we are opposed to ones that don't use organic, environmentally-friendly, enriched uranium. Conference Lib Dems? Nein danke!