A fair play guide to buying rounds of drinks

One of David Cameron's key advisers argues that to curb binge drinking we should stop buying rounds and start setting up tabs . Frankly he should mind his own business: pub etiquette is already fraught enough. And what is this – the nanny state? In solidarity with libertarians everywhere, these are my top tips for negotiating the social minefield of rounds. • Get in first. Not only will you seem more generous, but you'll save some cash: most of your boozing buddies won't have arrived yet. • If you are the late arrival, offer to buy a round as a matter of urgency. Yes, that means before you have taken your coat off. • Slowcoaches can't opt into a round unless they have drunk more than half of their last one. • Designated drivers don't buy rounds. If they have got to put up with your drunken chat all evening, the least you can do is subsidise their tomato juice. • The most expensive drink in a round shouldn't cost more than twice the price of the cheapest. So champagne is out, as are Long Island Ice Teas. Unless your boss is buying, in which case: fair game. • If you need to leave, you must wait till you've bought your next round. Repeat until closing time.