Gay Dad

When should a gay dad tell his children that this is the case? If you sit them down and say: "Listen, there's something you should know…" it feels like you're making an issue out of something that shouldn't be one. Heterosexual parents don't plonk young Tarquin on the sofa and say: "OK, sweetie, we feel the time is right to tell you that occasionally your mum and I have big, loud, sweaty sex in the bedroom right next to yours." Kids don't want to imagine their parents have a sex life at all, and have no desire to know the details. So why, because I sleep with men, should it be any different? Some friends are very disapproving; they argue that it's dishonest, that the children should know. But why? I share huge swathes of my life with my sons, but I like to think that my private life can remain just that: private – especially as there is currently no significant other. When I did have a long-term boyfriend, whom the children saw most weekends, they never bothered to ask why Mr Scruffy – as they called him – was always there. And though they were fond of him, it was almost 18 months after we split up before one of them even noticed he hadn't been around. "Where's Mr Scruffy?" asked Ed one Saturday afternoon at the movies. Oh, he's been busy, I replied. Ed nodded his head and carried on picking out cola bottles at the pick 'n' mix counter.