Football transfer rumours: Balotelli, Hoilett and Zaha to Stoke City?

Chelsea and Manchester City – if you're of a certain vintage, those four words together mean the 1986 Full Members Cup final, nothing more, nothing less – are both in the hunt for Ajax right-back Gregory van der Wiel . The right-backs in the 1986 Full Members Cup Final , which ended 5-4 to Chelsea, were Darren Wood and Nicky Reid. Don't know what to make of that, really. It's not much of an introduction, admittedly. "Big" Sam Allardyce, who is in reality 4 foot 11 inches tall, is interested in Nicolas Anelka . West Ham 's teeny tiny tactical maestro can be interested all he likes, though, because the Chelsea striker's off to Shanghai Shenhua if you believe the hot chat. Arsenal , Chelsea and Aston Villa are all looking into Blackburn Rovers midfielder Steven Nzonzi . Alex McLeish is hoping to steal a march on London's Champions League jet set with his ambitious plans: he's intending to send his men out to attack, in the hope of doing a goal, some time in 2014, perhaps. Yes, he really is thinking of throwing caution to the wind, and to hell with it! Villa are also looking to entice Danny Guthrie to the second city. McLeish is hoping to impress the Newcastle United midfielder with his exciting plans: he's thinking about opening a window in his office, to let some fresh air in, and if that means a couple of sheets of A4 paper get blown off the desk by a good old puff of the breeze, then so be it! Yes, he really is thinking of living like there's no tomorrow, and see if he cares! Salomon Kalou is off to Paris St Germain , unlike Rafael Benítez, who isn't. Stoke City are planning to offer £3m for Crystal Palace's Wilfried Zaha , and fancy a bit of Blackburn Rovers man Junior Hoilett as well. Enoch Balotelli, the 19-year-old brother of Manchester City's understated forward, might join the pair at the Britannia. Birmingham City's Liam Ridgewell , like a beautiful woman or a game of pool or a packet of peanuts, is the subject of a bar-room brawl between QPR, West Brom, Stoke City and Newcastle United . Arsenal are in for Alex , continuing their relentless quest to rebuild the 2010-11 Chelsea squad over in north London. Two down, 37 to go. Actually, they have to tie up Yossi Benayoun on a full-time deal as well, so currently that's 0/37, but you get the general idea. And finally, "two Premier League clubs" and Napoli are interested in Alejandro Faurlín of QPR. The futility, the existential angst, of Po' Rumour Mill. Po' Rumours!