Westminster digested

Osborne: How are things in Mexico? Cameron: Pretty good, Ozzy. The pool is fab and I'm getting a bit of a sun tan. Osborne: Careful of the moobs. They can burn quite easily. So what's the gossip from the G20? Cameron: There really isn't any. Barry's got his head down, trying to win his election in November, and everyone else seems to have come to the same conclusion as us. Osborne: What's that, Cams? I didn't know we had reached one. Cameron: Sure we have, old boy. It's that we haven't a clue what to do about anything so we're going to do nothing except say it's someone else's problem to sort out. Osborne: And that's what everyone else is doing too? Cameron: Looks that way to me. We all get up late and have a leisurely breakfast, before meeting for half an hour to wring our hands, agree everything's terrible and that the people responsible should bloody well sort it out asap. Osborne: That's exactly my kind of weekend break. Any attractive women around? Cameron: Yes, well it's a bit embarrassing really. The Argentinian president came up to me on the sun lounger and I initially thought she was the cocktail waitress because she was going on about something called Las Malvinas. But then she started droning on about the Falklands. Osborne: That must have been awful. Cameron: It was. I had to tell her I was running late for my massage at the spa but we could discuss it another time. Osborne: Yes we Cam! Cameron: Don't crack me up, Ozzy. It makes me awfully homesick. The burritos are all very well but you can't beat a good country supper at home among friends who understand we're all in this together. Rebekah Brooks: I didn't see you at Westminster magistrates court when my case was referred to Southwark crown court. Cameron: So what's going on back home? Osborne: Well, Bozza has gone completely mad and announced in a US magazine interview he wants to take over the whole universe and turn London into one big pick-up joint for middle-aged, married men. And IDS has decided to cut benefits by telling the poor it's their own bloody fault they are hardup and that they should just get a nonexistent job. Cameron: You know what? I think I might extend my holiday in Mexico by a few more days …