Westminster digested

Cameron: We shall fight you on the beaches, we shall fight you on the landing grounds, we shall fight you in the fields and in the streets; we shall never give up … Merkel: Vot effer! Cameron: Never in the whole field of human banking has so much been owed by so many to so few in the City ... Sarkozy: Holy merde! Comment l'enfer did cet idiot become premier ministre? Cameron: I'm bursting for a piss so I'm going to use my veto. Merkozy: Trop tard, dumkopf! We haff deja pissed all over vous. Cameron: That went bloody well, Ozzy. I let Europe know fair and square that Britain wasn't going to be pushed around by anyone but a few rightwingers in the Tory party. Osborne: Top show, Cams. 26 to 1. Those are just the kind of odds I like. Much better to be on the outside of any negotiations ... Cameron: You're a mind-reader. All that hanging around in Brussels really cuts into my downtime. I'm already three episodes behind with the latest series of Top Gear. Osborne: We're all hopelessly in the shit anyway. The only thing left ... Cameron: Is to make sure our mates in the City skim as much off for themselves before every European currency is worthless. Clegg: Oh Daddy! How could you? You've made me look so stupid. Cameron: That's because you are so stupid ... Clegg : Don't you remember that day when you told me you loved me and promised not to raise tuition fees, to reform the electoral system and stay close to Europe? Cameron: Mmm ... Not really. Clegg: Well I do, Daddy. The sun was shining and you cut me a rose from the Downing Street garden. You told me I completed you. I'm so disappointed that I shan't come to "take your kids to work" day. Cameron: Suit yourself, Cleggster. Stay at home and exercise on the baby gym. Clegg: I'm sorry, Daddy. I didn't mean to upset you. I hope you know I would never leave you. Osborne: Don't count on the favour being returned, Cleggster. Come the New Year, the unemployment figures could be getting worse ... if you get my drift. Clegg: Does anyone else know how it feels to be so useless? Milidee: Yes.