TV turn-ons and turn-offs

Turn-ons One Born Every Minute Plump the pillows and warm the speculum, mother – it's back Time Shift: the Smoking Years Auntie draws on filter-tipped nostalgia; exhales pillowy rings of low-tar anecdotery TOTP: 1977 Beards bristle and cheesecloth wilts as weekly beige-athon develops punkish hue Armando's Tale of Charles Dickens Small Glaswegian boards artful dodgem for breezy trundle through hitherto staid literary theme park Turn-offs Law & Order: UK More flaccid truncheonry & enfeebled nee-naws from battery-powered procedural Fat Fighters Embattled endomorphs bellowed into shape by egregious squat-thrusters in breathable knobwear. Helpful ITV1's Safari Vet School Effortful "Young Dolittle" enterprise prompts stampede as viewers flee to Great Barrier Reef (BBC2, 7pm) The Fabulous Baker Brothers Soft-focus fraternalism and belaboured bap-work with Tweedlehunk & Tweedletwee. Attendant "vibe": Mumford & Buns