TV turn-ons and turn-offs

Turn-ons Ski Sunday Auntie de-fogs continental goggles; buffs boots; sets salopettes to stun. Le bliss Iain Stewart in Men of Rock Nonpareil cagoule-user high-fives alluvium; calls promontories "pal". Geology ensues The Secret Life of the Motorway BBC4 belts up for panoramic history of bypasses, bitumen etc. Views: peachy Life in a Cottage Garden with Carol Klein Evergreen Lancastrian coaxes tips 'n' chuckles from t' self-churned sod Turn-offs Taggart Sludge-hued McPlods return with more law & ordure. Overriding consensus: och Arthur's Hell on High Water Avast! Lubber's exposé o' commercial fishin' be scuttled by lurchin' tedium an' crash zooms o' cod Wild at Heart Resuscitated safari caper prompts stampede as viewers flee to Coast (BBC2, 8pm) Dancing On Ice Further achy-breaky icecapades from impoverished celebrinotszzz